


submerged

by illrunwithyou



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Aquaphobia, Beach Setting, Brotherly Love, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Panic Attacks, Poor Kaoru, fear of water, hikaru and kaoru as brothers, minor mention of dead bodies, not too graphic though, please dont read if you are sensitive to these topics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 09:25:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19742818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illrunwithyou/pseuds/illrunwithyou
Summary: The shaky glances at glasses of water, the refusal to ever wear swim shorts, the slight panting when drenched with water, the little sips of water as opposed to everyone's giant gulps, the eyes as wide as platters when it starts to rain.......just what exactly is Kaoru hiding? The host club finds out on a fateful trip to the beach.





	submerged

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't read if you are sensitive to mentions of death or panic attacks!
> 
> Hi, I found this old fanfiction and decided to publish it. I'm sorry for any inaccuracies or any typos. 
> 
> ALSO, I'm not a doctor, so my medical information is probably inaccurate, but VX is a real chemical and could be fatal upon contact. 
> 
> Have a good day!

"You know what the host club needs?" Tamaki exclaimed one afternoon and then paused to wait for all the heads of the fellow ladies in the room turn towards him, "a VACATION!"

"But Tamaki senpai, to where?" Haruhi paused in the middle of her journey towards the destination of the tea. 

"The BEACH!"

"Hm.....yes, ,that would be a wonderful place to visit with the cold, foamy water, orange sunsets, cool breezes, white sand and tall rocks perfect for sunset watching with the host of their choice" Kyoya agreed thoughtfully, words rolling off his tongue, girls screaming in the background, and thought, _the ladies would also pay extra for the view of the setting sun with their favorite host._

"Oh~ oh~! Does that mean that we would finally be able to see Haru-chan in a bikini?!" Honey senpai bounced on the balls of his feet with Usa-chan clutched tightly in his hands. 

The girls all shared another shrill squeal at the thought of Haruhi in a bikini.

"Oh~" Tamaki slithered up next to Haruhi, fingers tapping together, eyebrows wiggling and a sly smile creeping up his face, "That would be a MARVELOUS idea, Honey senpai. So that settles it. Tomorrow is Saturday and we are all going to the beach!" 

Cheers erupted all around the room and in the midst of all the chaos, nobody noticed Kaoru's pale, sweaty face and Hikaru's protective hand squeezing Kaoru's shaking one. 

A marvelous idea indeed.

>>=============================<<

"You don't have to go, okay?" Hikaru's eyes pleaded, as he set a comforting hand on his brother's knee. 

"No," Kaoru took a deep, rattling breath before pulling his eyes away, "I have to. This is...." Another breath, "the only way to prove that I am normal, that I'm not suffering anymore." 

Hikaru clenched his teeth, "No one wants you to prove yourself."

"I do. I want to prove myself to me," Kaoru swallowed and forced his eyes to meet his brother's identical golden orbs. The determined yet fragile look in his brother's eyes made Hikaru's teeth unclench, his eyes soften, his heart break, "I no longer want to be known as the weaker twin, the one who always needs protecting."

"Okay," Hikaru had no choice but to agree with his little brother's reason, "but I don't want you to hurt yourself, okay? And please don't leave my side, please, because I don't want that to happen all over again. You have to promise to keep yourself safe."

Kaoru blinked back tears as he nodded a yes to all his brother's requests and mouthed, _I promise._

>>====================<<

"Swimsuits, food, drinks, and blankets?

"Yes, yes, yes, and yes."

"Table, umbrella, volleyball nets and volleyball?" 

"Yes, yes, yes, and yes."

"Sunscreen and bug spray?" Tamaki ticked off, strutting around the equipment like a boss. 

"Yes and......yes." Kyoya followed, checking everything off of his clipboard.

"Perfect! Then we're ready to go!" Tamaki grinned and waved everyone towards the car, "Onward!"

Hikaru gave his brother's hand an encouraging squeeze and a smile as everyone filed towards the cars provided by Kyoya's family. 

>>======================<<

Once everyone exited the cars and changed into their bathing suits, the party was ready to begin. 

"Welcome to the host club, ladies!" All the host exclaimed in unison, spreading their arms out to reveal what was behind them: a dazzling replica of a postcard beach. The girls all let out a high-pitched squeal before they kicked off their sandals, ripped off their clothes to reveal bikinis underneath and raced to the cold waters lapping at the warm sand. 

_Perfect_ , Kyoya thought, _this is just how it should be,_ as he settled into a gardening chair under the umbrella of the makeshift bar they managed to make, with a glass of orange juice, and carefully observed the scene in front of him- Tamaki's arm wrapped around some random girl on a tall rock admiring the warm light emitting from the sunset and whispering sweet nothings in her ear while a line of girls waited impatiently at the bottom of the rock; Honey senpai splashing through the water with a trail of girls behind him while Mori senpai watched wistfully by the shore; Haruhi sitting on a towel under an umbrella while trying to fend off the persistent girls wanting to see Haruhi in a bikini. His eyes then drifted over to the volleyball nets to see Hikaru playing volleyball with the ladies. 

Kyoya did a double take. _Only Hikaru?_ Now _that_ was something you didn't see often. His eyes scanned the beach looking for the missing twin, only to find him perched on a chair under an umbrella, part of the makeshift bar they'd created, only 5 yards to his left.

Kyoya frowned as he mentally saw the drop in the host club's stocks with the absence of their brotherly love package. He swiftly lifted himself off the chair and made his way over to the younger twin in long, fluid strides. 

"Kaoru!" Kyoya called, successfully catching the younger boy's attention, "what are you doing here, in a long sleeves shirt and pants, not out there with you brother?"

Kaoru turned to him, surprised and breathing heavily, and replied, "O-oh hi Kyoya senpai. Nah, I would rather sit here than play volleyball. I'm not very fond of that sport, uh, and I would r-rather sit here warm, than sit there freezing." Kaoru finished, confidently and looked with determination into kyoya's eyes. 

Wait.....

Were those _tears_ in Kaoru's eyes?! 

"Kaoru, are you sure you are okay? You're shaking really bad and your eyes are brimmed with tears...." Kyoya stated, a little concern edging into his cold, hard voice. 

"Y-yeah.....I'm fine. It's just......it's just a little cold and windy," Kaoru finished, hurriedly, hiding his face to wipe the tears from his eyes. 

"Oh, okay," Kyoya knew that something was wrong but chose not to pry for the sake of Kaoru. But as the "mommy" and stocks collector of the host club, he had the right to know, so he chose to do some snooping of his own. 

"Mommy!" Kyoya lifted his head to see Tamaki running towards him with Haruhi following behind with something cupped in her hands, "look at what Haruhi found!" Haruhi stuck out her hands to reveal a crab. It was a very beautiful crab, to give it credit, though. 

"Hm, very nice. But please release it as soon as possible because this beach is private property of my family and we would not appreciate any of our live stock cooked," Kyoya replied distractedly. 

"Hmph, okay," Tamaki huffed, "Hey Mommy, don't you think it is a little weird that our Kaoru is sitting there alone while Hikaru is playing volleyball?" 

"Yes....." Kyoya looked up questioningly, "and your point is?"

"He should be out there having fun! Mommy, do something!"

"Hey senpais, I think it's just because Kaoru isn't really in the spirit. There's really nothing to worry about," Haruhi interfered. 

"What about.....we throw him into the water?! That has ought to get his spirits up!" Tamaki suggested. 

"Hm...... That could work," Kyoya glanced over to the gentle rolling waves of the ocean.

Haruhi and Tamaki shared a look before Tamaki grabbed her hand and lugged her to Kaoru's table. Kyoya watched with a smile on his face as Tamaki threw a surprised Kaoru over his shoulder and marched towards the water. Haruhi helped Kaoru off, took hold of his hands and swung Kaoru into the water. Giant splashes flew as laughs filled the air.

>>=========================<<

The first emotion Hikaru felt when he was faced with his brother's empty seat was surprise, then came the panic. His gaze swept across the beach looking for him, his heart beating frantically.

Thump

Thump 

Thump

He spotted Kyoya not to far away, sitting in a patio chair with a faint smile settled on his face, and he took off in a dead sprint towards the resting man.

Thump

Thump

Thump

Thump 

"Where is he?!" Hikaru demanded. Kyoya turned up his nose to peer at the twin, "where is who?" 

"WHERE IS Kaoru?!" Hikaru demanded once more, not bothering with formalities or with easing gentleness into his tone. 

"Over there," Kyoya gestured toward the water, not an ounce of concern in his voice. 

Hikaru felt his heart drop to the deepest pits of his stomach as he saw his twin submerged in the water. "This is NOT good," he whispered before racing towards Kaoru. 

Thump 

Thump 

_THUMP_

_**THUMP** _

" _No no no no no no no no no no no no,_ " Hikaru thought as he ran, " _this CANNOT be happening. Oh why did I let him out of my sight?!_ " Hikaru forced his eyes closed as the unwanted memories came flooding back to him. 

_It was a beautiful spring day, birds singing, clouds drifting about overhead, the sun shining warmly and cool breezes swaying trees back and forth. It was the perfect day to go swimming. It was not, however, the perfect day to be lying in bed with chicken pox, just what five-year-old Hikaru was doing._

_"But MOOOOOOOMMMMYYYYYYYYYY!! I wanna go swimming with Kao!" Hikaru whined._

_"Now, now Hikaru. You don't want Kaoru to get sick from the chicken pox, do you?" the twins' mom countered. Even at the age of five, Hikaru was fiercely protective of his baby brother. "Besides, Hikaru, Kaoru was will be fine. My friend and her own five-year-old son will be there to watch over him." She reassured as she ushered Kaoru towards the elevator._

_Hikaru watched glumly as he watched his baby brother and mother walk out to the pool from the window of their second story hotel room. He sighed, fidgeting with his hands, wondering if that day could get any more boring._

_Barely an hour later, Hikaru saw a man dressed in long slacks walk suspiciously around the pool, stopping at shallow end. He slid out a giant clear test tube,tinted with white, uncapped it and poured it into the water. Hikaru's eyes frantically searched for Kaoru; he felt relief wash over him as he located his brother gripping onto a ledge in the deep end. At the mere age of five, Kaoru was an incredible swimmer, surpassing everyone of his age._

_Hikaru watched in horror as the woman and her child who were supposed to be supervising Kaoru, who both chose to linger back at the shallow end instead of following Kaoru to the deep end, suddenly go still and began floating on their backs, both dead. Hikaru gulped thickly as he saw the skin on the mother-son pair's skin melting off, making them almost unrecognizable._

_Just as Hikaru figured out what happened, so did everyone else in the pool. They all fled the scene, leaving the corpses behind..........and Kaoru. He was too tiny to lift his legs over the ledge of pool and he was too tired to swim towards one of the ladders. Kaoru's face twisted in absolute fear and realization, his eyes grew wide with tears brimming the sides, his face turned nearly translucent and sweaty, his breath hitched in his throat, of his current situation._

_**He was swimming in a pool of corpses.....and he was going to be next.** _

Hikaru shook his head to dissipate that disturbing thought as he focused on locating his brother in the present. When he finally found him, his heart went still; the look of sheer terror on that five-year-old Kaoru's face, the one that he had carved into his brain, was plastered on the face of his Kaoru, the one in the present. That look shattered his heart, lighting the remaining, fragile pieces of it on fire, incinerating the pieces into minuscule particles of dust. Along with his heart, his entire body was aching as if it only wanted to freeze up. The burning pain inside his chest eventually spread to the rest of his body, making breathing difficult, making his eyes water. 

_Wailing, five-year-old Hikaru woke up his mother, who fell asleep taking care of him, and formed incoherent words, all while pointing at the window. Confused, his mother peered out of the window, only to be met with the the sight of her poor five-year-old in a pool of carcasses, and let out a shriek of her own. She bounded down the stairs as fast as her legs could carry her, because the elevator was simply taking too long. She knelt by the pool and extended her hand to her son, desperately wishing her arm was longer. Kaoru, barely keeping his head above water, paddled towards the out-stretched hand. Just as Kaoru was hoisting himself up, his foot slipped on the ledge and his head plummeted forward and was met with the cold, hard, unforgiving ledge. Hikaru screamed. Their mother screamed; she immediately laced her hands under her limp child and hefted him up and out of the water. She clumsily pulled out her phone and dialed what Hikaru presumed was the ambulance. By the time the whee-roo, whee-roo, whee-roo of the ambulance stopped at the hotel, Hikaru was by his twin's side, sobbing while their mother had brought down a blanket from their hotel room and gently tucked the blanket around his tiny, still body._

_"Everyone back away from the boy" the paramedics had requested. Once Hikaru and their mother stepped out of the way, the paramedics swooped in and lifted the unconscious boy off the cement and onto a white stretcher, blanket still enveloping the small body._

_"VX, also known as Venomous Agent X, that kills upon touch" they'd said, "a minor concussion and multiple injuries. He needs to stay in the hospital for a few weeks."_

_The few weeks were sheer torture; seeing his twin so weak and helpless and tiny on the giant white bed was absolutely painful. But once Kaoru was released from the hospital, the worse part of the whole experience came, even worse than forcing Hikaru watch his beloved brother hooked up to all those loud, beeping machines that signify a person's death to Hikaru's innocent mind. After those painfully long weeks of words whispered uselessly into unhearing ears, of endless tears gracing both of their faces, Hikaru swore to himself that he wouldn't let that helpless look of horror and fear grace his baby brother's face again._

_And where was he now? Hikaru thought morbidly as he splashed towards his drenched brother, he'd failed to keep his own brother safe, TWICE. He definitely deserved the "worst brother of the year" award._

He shooed the shocked Haruhi and Tamaki away from his equally shocked brother. 

"Kaoru? Kaoru? Can you hear me? It's Hikaru," Hikaru inched closer to his trembling twin. Hikaru recognized the typical signs of a panic attack: hyperventilation, shaking and trembling, detachment, sweating and shivering; and his brother was experiencing all of them

 _Crap_ , Hikaru thought frantically, _the water, the water is the trigger. I must get him on land._ Hikaru scooped up his panicking brother and splashed his way towards the sand as fast as he could, not missing the way his brother curled into the touch and whispered, "Hi-Hika. Hika....hika." Hikaru felt his heart break for the millionth time that day as he closed his eyes and let the memory of the horrifying few weeks following his five-year-old brother's release wash upon him. 

_The first two days were normal, or as normal as they could get. Kaoru was a lot quieter than before; the doctor said that it was normal for a person who just went through a traumatic experience to take a few days to get used their previously-familiar surroundings. He also refused to drink any water on the first day, leaving him terribly dehydrated and weak. Desperate to save his twin from a death via dehydration, Hikaru had ran to the nearest supermarket and bought 2 cartoons of milk. Kaoru was up and on his feet the second day. Despite the newfound love for milk and timidness of the younger twin, the house was more or less back to normal._

_That is, until the third day rolled around._

_"Hika, I want to play in the sand box," Kaoru said on the third day. Unable to deny his Kaoru of any of his requests, Hikaru agreed. As the twins threw on their coats and headed outside, one of the maids yelled, "boys, there's a thunderstorm heading this way so come in early!". Hikaru waved that information away while Kaoru simply didn't hear her._

_They built mounds of sand after mounds of sand, laughing when they knocked each other's down and downright shrieking when the sand war started._

_"This isn't fun!" Hikaru shouted, "Imma get the supplies for a sand castle!" Kaoru nodded and Hikaru sprinted inside the house to find the tools. It took him a few minutes to dig out the supplies from under the mess they call their room. By the time he got downstairs, thunder was crackling in the sky and rain was already trickling out of the darkened clouds._

Perfect, _Hikaru thought happily,_ we can make drip sand castles now! _He stepped onto the front lawn and was met with a sight that made his heart lurch; his Kaoru was sitting on the sand, in the rain, curled up into a ball with his tiny hands curled over his ears as his eyes were wrenched closed and tears streamed down his face, tears mixing with the rain. The expression that claimed his face was new to both of them: panic. Hikaru dropped the plastic tools in his own version of panic and rushed to his brother's side. All of his garments got drenched in his mad-dash towards Kaoru but he didn't care, as long as he got to Kaoru._

_He knelt by the shaking boy and gently pried his hands away from his ears. He slouched lower until he was almost curled over the boy, laid an arm around his shoulders and brought the other arm around to meet the first, in a sort of awkward embrace. Disregarding the stiffness of the position, Kaoru relaxed into the touch._

Hikaru snorted, _almost like their position now,_ he thought, _how ironic. The very thing that I vowed to myself would never happen again, happened again. And coincidently, this time was nighly an exact replica of the first time._ Hikaru carefully set Kaoru down on the sand and knelt next to him, hugging the still-trembling boy. The rest of the hosts crowded around the pair of brothers. It was then Hikaru realized that they were alone on the beach; all the ladies had left. 

_They must've asked everyone to leave_ , Hikaru thought, a slight smile tugging at his lips, _we are so lucky to have these people who actually care about us._

"Hika-chan, is kao-chan okay? Or, will he be okay?" Honey senpai's concerned voice broke through the thick tension that settled around them. 

"I-I.....seriously don't know" Hikaru murmured, shaking his head.

"What happened?" This time, it was Haruhi who asked the question on everyone's mind. 

"Something horrific happened when we were five and it rendered him terrified of the water; he has aguaphobia. It was horrible at first. He wouldn't drink water, take a bath, or even stand to stay in a room with water. But after some time and much therapy, he would finally take sips of water. Throughout the years, we even got him to take showers AND baths but the one thing we couldn't get him to do was to swim again. It was a pity too; if there was one thing he excelled at when we were five, it was swimming. You guys throwing him in the water probably made him revert back to his state so many years ago," Hikaru resumed his gentle mumblings of "it's alright", "I've got you, and "we're out of the water now". 

The hosts bit back their apologies to watch Hikaru carefully pulled his brother's hands away from his ears and said in a calm, yet firm tone, "Kao, you're safe now. You're not in the water anymore, see?" Hikaru took one of Kaoru's hands and buried it into the sand, letting the grains wash over his hands and watched as Kaoru began to relax his tense muscles, as if the the grains of sand washed away all the tension and worries carried by his muscles. Kaoru seemed to regain his grip on the situation and looked around, embarrassment flooding his cheeks. 

_At least_ , Hikaru mused, _I've learned how to deal with these kind of attacks, something that has improved since we were five._ Hikaru shuddered at the memory as everything came back to him.

_"What's wrong, Kaoru? Please tell me what's wrong!" five-year-old Hikaru had pleaded._

_"Hi-Hika, water, dead-dead bodies, poison, water, pool, scared, wa-water, Hika, I'm sc-scared," Kaoru whispered into Hikaru's chest and scratched at his clothes with desperate fingers, "my-my head hurts 'n m-my stomach hurts,"_

_Hikaru panicked but even at the age of five, his mind was clear and he knew to get Kaoru out of the pouring rain. He relocated his second arm under the knees of his brother, stood up with him and sprinted inside to get him some help. Hikaru carried his brother all the way to the living and dropped him onto the giant, fluffy couch._

_"Mommy!!!" Hikaru yelled, desperate to help his suffering brother, "MOMMY!! COME HERE!!"_

_"Hikaru, what is it?! I don't have time to play your little games right now," their mother called from her office._

_"No, no, this is not a game!" Hikaru cried, dashing to her office, "something-something's wrong with Kao! He's-he's shaking and crying and-and-and.....mommy please, please come tell me what's wrong with Kao!"_

_At the urgency in Hikaru's tone and the unusual panic that laced it, their mom obediently let herself get pulled into the living room. Inside, she found a trembling, sobbing Kaoru, curled into a ball._

_"Oh dear," their mom whispered, "he's having a panic attack,"_

_"A.....what attack?"_

_"A panic attack. Hikaru, your cousin used to have these all the time. Go over there and hug him," Hikaru obeyed, "good, now lean him close to you and whisper reassuring words," their mother instructed._

_"What?"_

_"Tell him that it's okay, he's safe, he's out of the water, you've got him." Hikaru proceeded to follow his mother's instructions, being as careful as he could to not startle his brother. The gentle words went unheard by Kaoru, who was still shaking in fear, and Hikaru panicked._

_Their mother suddenly had an idea, "Hikaru, pick your brother up and put him on the ground," after Kaoru was on the ground, she continued, "now, take one of his hands and press it into the ground, show him that he's safe, that's he's out of the water and there is ground, strong strong ground that he can lean on, he's out of the water, it's not going to hurt him anymore, the water is not going to bring back any unwanted memories because you,Hikaru, are there and the ground is underneath you guys and everything will be okay," Within minutes, that method worked wonders on Kaoru and he'd broken out of his daze. Within seconds, Hikaru's calm façade shattered down his face and littered the floor. Hikaru threw his arms around Kaoru's neck, for fear that his baby brother would disappear right under his fingers, and just downright sobbed, for the unfairness of the world, for the heavy weight of fear that settled on his small shoulders not too long ago, for the pain that his brother felt, for the helplessness that dominated his body in those wrenched minutes, and most of all, in relief._

_He sobbed like it was the only thing to do in the world, he sobbed like the world was ending, his sobs were so heart-breaking that it had both his mother and Kaoru in tears. He sobbed loud enough to wake the dead. Having his brother so close yet so far away, in a land no one was allowed in, in a land where he was getting to tortured by his own mind, broke Hikaru's heart into trillions of pieces and continued to break his glass heart over and over again in the weeks, years that came._

Hikaru involuntarily let a tear slide down his face at the painful memory, the one that brought the brothers closer than anyone thought was possible. That single tear didn't go unnoticed by Kaoru, who pushed himself onto shaky legs and walked over to Hikaru. Kaoru ran a thumb gently across his cheek, successfully catching the tear, and cupped his brother's face, "it's alright hika, I'm fine." 

Facing his brother, Hikaru's voice cracked as he whispered, "you promised. I trusted you." 

Speechless, Kaoru's eyes widened to the size of saucers and Hikaru continued, louder this time, "You promised me that you would keep yourself safe! That you would be fine!" 

Guilt ridden, Kaoru embraced his brother and whispered into his chest, "I'm sorry. I'm so so so so sorry. Words can't even describe how apologetic I feel. I'm so sorry for forcing you to go through that painful procedure once again, especially after we were all convinced that I was fine. I know how much pain you feel from watching me have a panic attack. I would do anything to lessen your pain.......anything. I'm so sorry." 

The two brothers took the next few minutes to hug it out before honey senpai decided it was time to lighten the mood and suddenly, the brothers were covered in sand and the sand battle began.


End file.
